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. Last Updated: 07/27/2016


Recently, we had a guest from overseas, and having spent the day seeing Moscow's sights, she felt like taking it easy. Since we were in the area, we decided that we would pop into Respublika Beefeater.

A crowd was milling around the entrance way as we squeezed our way through to the front. I reached the door first and paid, made my way inside and waited till my friends popped through a minute later.

We grabbed a beer each and kicked back. We quickly downed our first mug and so I was sent to gather some more. When I returned with beers in hand, my friends had disappeared. I scanned the room to discover them being led away by a huge security goon. I pushed my way towards them to only catch them by the exit. My friend was demanding an explanation from the Sumo-sized bouncer, while our guest looked on with a bemused expression. The bouncer was a man of few words and just grunted and pointed to the face-control bloke standing nearby.

Mr. Face Control looked a little agitated, chewing at his gum like a cow chewing cud - only like someone had hit his fast-forward button; his eyes were wide as saucers and stained black as night.

My friend asked what the problem was.

"Don't try to pretend that the passes you gave me weren't fake."

We looked at one another in amazement. "What passes?"

"You know which ones," he snarled.

"But he paid for us all," my friend said.

"No I didn't," I said reluctantly, realizing that things were starting to get confusing. It seemed that my friends had managed to slip past security without paying, having assumed that I had paid.

"It was an honest mistake," we explained. "We're happy to pay now, we've got beers waiting for us inside." He refused. "Don't try to con me and think I'll let you back in." We tried to explain to him that we weren't in the business of producing faked passes, but he refused to listen.

We continued to argue when suddenly another potential patron decided that he wasn't going to wait to get in and made a charge for the entrance, but he was rebuffed by the bouncers, who then proceeded to teach him a lesson for his drunken aggressive impatience by beating him to a pulp.

Mr. Face Control, now a little preoccupied, didn't seem to have time to argue with us any further. "Alright, just pay and go through, only don't try to pass off any more of those fake tickets in the future."

We never did find out what the hell he was talking about.

This week's tip: Watch out for cranky doormen.

- Nathan Toohey