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. Last Updated: 07/27/2016

WEIRD MOSCOW




Sergei Averyanov's last words as I was about to leave his flat wereto ask me for help getting into contact with the British Secret Service. I missed out on Oxford so this is the best I can do. If there's any spooks out there, just call The Moscow Times and I'll be happy to pass your details on to him.


Dubbed "The Most Terrifying Man on the Planet" by the newspaper Kto Yest Kto, Averyanov, or Guru Var Avera, has worked for the KGB, tried to work for Mossad and has high hopes that the Belarussian or Ukrainian secret services might work out if I don't come through.


I hadn't been expecting all this as I'd only wanted to learn how to strip. I'd seen an advert in a magazine for training for erotic shows and popped into an office just off Strastnoi Bulvar where I met Averyanov's (fifth) wife, Yulia, a former stripper, who gave me her husband's book, "Astralnoye Karate."


Two days later I was with the founder of astralnoye karate - a 60-year-old man with short white hair, baby tombstone teeth and a body built for walking through doors.


He founded the school of astralnoye karate 20 years ago. It's a bit like real karate topped up with those rays of energy that the Silver Surfer uses. You don't actually have to touch your opponent to hurt or even kill them - you just use bio-energy. With these skills Averyanov teaches counter-terrorism and fighting skills.


There's a bit more to it than that, but Averyanov's not keen on explaining too much. He tells the story of how he was sitting next to a Russian world martial arts champion who kept on continually asking, "But what is astralnoye karate?" Averyanov goes "AYAAAAGHH," thumps the table hard and the champ says "Ahem OK" and doesn't ask anymore.


Averyanov is more than just a martial arts expert. He's also a para-psychologist, artist, poet and soothsayer. He left for Buryatia for four years in the 1960s and on return says he faced years of persecution by the KGB for his mystical beliefs. They also tried to use him, asking him for his help in pinpointing dangerous places for the 1980 Olympic Games, conducted experiments on him and even asked him for help in protecting Mikhail Gorbachev and Boris Yeltsin.


But he wasn't too keen on helping the people who had put him in prison and psychiatric hospital.


"First I told them get rid of all those who fought against me for 30 years," said Averyanov, who minutes earlier had demonstrated how he could stop his own heart. Once his face had subsided from being a large puffy red mess, he explained that he can kill another person by sending the energy from his heart to theirs.


When he emigrated to Israel a couple of years ago he offered his service to Mossad but they weren't interested.


And he would still be there training would-be astralnoye karatists if it wasn't for Benjamin Netanyahu.


He says he quit Israel less than a month ago after an American businesswoman came to him saying she was Netanyahu's lover. She then placed an order for him to kill the former Israeli prime minister's wife and then top her own husband so that she and Netanyahu could live in lovers' bliss.


Averyanov isn't a killer though and he gave all the material to the police. Soon after, the family received threats.


Averyanov showed me the letters he wrote to the police and the picture of the woman next to her friend Hillary Clinton, a supposed future client for Averyanov.


"She said if I did well, Hillary would order Clinton [dead]," added Averyanov.


- Kevin O'Flynn